at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
