we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
