Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
