my sisters under your porch take her home
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize