what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
