So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
