is your mom at the bar?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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