I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize