I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
