your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
