grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
