I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's official drugs can't kill me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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