that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
bring money and cleavage
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
