Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
