At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
