I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
