you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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