I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
