Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My pussy is not your playground.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
