I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
