Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
