I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
