Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
