Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
