idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
