We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
