I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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