i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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