I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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