they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
