You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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