This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
