Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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