so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
