there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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