so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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