Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
