new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
