Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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