It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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