Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
