so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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