So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
