There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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