I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
