I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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