Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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