Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize