So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
