I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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