mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
sex in a hospital.. check
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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