thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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