So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
