I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
