so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
