can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
