Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
