id be glad to
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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