I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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