you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
