he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
