Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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