No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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