he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
