I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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