he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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