i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
