its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
