In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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