i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
