Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
