I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's always time for handjobs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
