weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
