I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize