is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
