Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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