btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
