I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
