She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
