dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so let's talk penis.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I want a musical about memes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
