i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
