I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
