Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
