The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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