my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
