I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
