i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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