the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize