I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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