mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
