I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
