Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
