the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
