U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
