i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize