A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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