Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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