i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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