i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
