Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think my moral compass just broke
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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