if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
