haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
