I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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