I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
kristin has been a bad kristin
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
