I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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