Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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