Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
