how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
