next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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