At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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