i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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