I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
