Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
