i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
