i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize