His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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