I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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