I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
